The last few days I have read a lot of birth stories, just something I like to do while pregnant. Its fun to hear about other peoples birth experiences.

This may not be super detailed because it was over 2 years ago, but it covers all the important things.

On July 11th we went into the hospital around 1pm to be induced, I was 36 weeks and 5 days. My doctor had decided to induce me at this point because it was around the same time that Asher had died and just to be safe he wanted to deliver her.

When we arrived they checked to see if I was dilated at all and I was at a 1. After about an hour or 2 of monitoring they put in the cervidil to start getting my cervix ready. This was not a fun process.

After having the cervidil pill in place for about an hour they checked and made sure it was doing its job then started me on pitocin. At first it was a very low dose so the contractions weren't too bad. A few hours passed and I really started feeling it and was at a 3. They asked if I was ready for pain medication and I told them I did not want an epidural so they talked about different options. I decided to try a pain pill so that I could try to sleep a little. That was a big mistake. Even though it did help me a little it affected Paislee, even though they told me it wouldn't. Her heart rate dropped a little which worried me but they just told me she was sleepy.

They checked me again about 2 hours later and I was only at a 4. I had made progress but I wasn't as far as I would have hoped. I knew I had to be patient with my body since it was being forced to go into labor.

I dont remember much of the next few hours because the pain got pretty strong since they turned up my pitocin all the way.

At 5am I was checked and I was at a 7 and %100 effaced.  I was so excited because I thought that I only had an hour or so left. Paislee's heart rate was still a little low so I had to wear oxygen for awhile and that seemed to help.

Around 8am the pain was becoming to much for me to handle. I hadn't slept at all and I was exhausted, but I was determined to do it without an epidural. So I fought through the next few hours.

At 10am I was checked again and still at 7. I started crying at this point. All the pain and exhaustion was just too overwhelming for me, if I had made any progress at all I think I could have handled it a little longer. When I heard there was no progress at all I knew it was because I just couldn't relax enough for my body to do what it needed to to dilate the last 3 cm.

I asked Nate if he would be disappointed in me if I gave in and got the epidural and he said that he wouldn't be disappointed at all and he would support anything I decided to do. I called in the nurse and told her I was ready for an epidural.

At 10:30am I got the epidural and at 11:10 I started feeling the urge to push. I told the nurse and she said she would get the doctor. I told her to please hurry because I NEEDED to push and couldn't hold off much longer.

At 11:21am on July 12th after about 1/2 a push Paislee Harper Gossard was born! Weighing 5 pounds 13 ounces and 17 1/2 inches long.

I was overwhelmed with emotion, after delivering a stillborn just the year before I had half expected not to hear a cry. When I heard her first cry I started tearing up. It was the happiest moment of my life.

They gave her to me and Nate cut the cord.

24 hours later we got to take her home!

Having a newborn is definitely something that takes getting used to. You all the sudden have this perfect little being completely dependent on you for everything. It is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Everyone always tells you the love of a mother is overwhelming but you never truly understand until you hold your baby and look into their eyes for the first time. It is the most pure unconditional love you will ever experience! And seeing your husband with your baby is probably the best site in the world. Seeing Nate as a father has just made me love him even more.

Now Paislee is 2 and the last 2 years have been the best and most challenging of my life. Having a child has made me feel such purpose. Looking at her I know what I was put on this earth to do, it was to be her mother. She fills my life with so much joy and happiness.

I love you Paislee!